The way of the feet...

Don't just walk, run!
Don't just run, dance!
Don't just dance, fly!

The love crumbs...

Love is like the bread crumbs for doves. If you have something to give them, the doves will come for sure. So it is in the relationships with people, and why not with life itself. If you have something to offer from your heart, you will have companions on your path...
And this is especially true when you relate with the opposite sex. You wake up love and the heart qualities in you, and there will be a crowd waiting at your door...:)

Why I do love silence?

(Dedicated to all the girls that I’ve met in this strange terrestrial journey through life)

I was asked so many times, especially by the girls, but not only, something like: ”Are you always so quiet?”. Even my mother, who speaks a lot (you could expect that, don’t you), gives me reproaches, when I ask for example if there is any tea left for me to drink (and it is not), like: “Why didn’t you SAID, I would have done more?” Even though I don’t actually complain about it.

When I am silent around other people, many times people believe that I’m indifferent and they also start to act like that, as if I don’t exist for them. There are some of them, few, who somehow gather courage to talk with me, just to see what is behind this apparently unshakable silence. 

But they give up very soon…

The truth is…I speak only if I am questioned, in 99% of cases, because I don’t feel that I would need something from the others, and that in very rare cases. That’s why, I can stay with somebody in the office, for example, the whole day, without asking him a single thing outside the work area. Or, when I travel with train and I am with somebody in the compartment, the same thing, I really don’t feel the need to speak with the other person.

This way of being brought me enough downsides, though. Because, in the places that I’ve been, if I was simply myself, people got bored with me or they rejected me, and then I would become a weirdo which nobody understands and nobody talks to with. This hurt me. Because I don’t want to be separated from people, I like to share with them beautiful moments, but on the other hand, I don’t want to pretend that I am something that I’m not either.

In the secondary school, I was the nerd of the class 8th E, the man to whom people asked for help on examination papers, to whom they would not speak usually because we had nothing to speak about (with these clever guys you really don’t have nothing to discuss, man!), and which they used as a saviour lyer to get them with no absences. It was a difficult time for me, because I felt that I’m not accepted the way I am, and I really felt, for about 2 years, that there is nobody in this damn world to understand me and accept me as I am. That’s why, I think, I got in a situation in which I was thinking very often on committing suicide. The suffering of not being who I really am, seemed too much for me.

Thank God I didn’t have the guts to do it. This is maybe the only moment in my life when I think the fear it proved to be a good thing.

By and by, though, I started to pay less and less attention to the social norms and to the “shoulds” and “should nots” . So I started to recognize to myself this silent nature of mine, and not to judge and condemn myself for it. And then, the silence became even more deep. I found that if you are silent, you start to feel the people much more alive, you start to see beyond the masks, you start to see the difference between saying and doing, and then a new challenge arises. What you do with the truth you are discovering? Do you reflect it on the outside, like a mirror, or you keep it for yourself, because the truth is sometimes too heavy to be uttered.

Well, for a while I went on keeping the silence, in fact keeping my mouth shut, literally, although many times I would have said things that I knew the others wouldn’t have liked. My silence was not yet pure enough, because in a subtle way, these things were felt. When I saw that a man had an unfair behaviour, for example, like gossiping, lying, blaming himself, etc., I found it difficult to come closer to him. Because inevitably, at a certain point, these things had to be said. And a truth that is not accepted, divides people, does not bring them together.

This was the university period, when I was 19-23 years old.

At that time I related more to people, compared to previous times like in Secondary School or High School, but my heart was still hurt and I hadn’t yet forgiven the people who rejected me in the past and me neither, for letting this happen.

The real process of healing started when I met Osho, through his books, somewhere in the year 2000. Then, in a library from Bucharest, reading a little story from his life, in which he had the courage to stand straight before the others, at the same time respecting his inner truth, I felt this call of being honest and sincere to myself, regardless of the external consequences, and to express what is inside with dignity and courage, towards the others.

Howcome I got to think about all these things again?

Because I had recently  a personal meeting with a Reiki Master (Andreea Ionescu – her romanian blog, here: http://pisicka.wordpress.com), who told me, among other things, that I have a round energy and I don’t need a female presence in my life, at a deep level. And that I’m somehow enough for myself, the way as I am, and I can function in a relationship but also alone. I’m not fully aware now of what this woman told me, but somewhere inside me, I see the truth of it...

So, why I love silence, after all?

Because in silence my truth, my beauty and my inner strength is revealed.

Because in silence I begin to feel, how I am, how the others are.

Because in silence my life starts to have a meaning and everything looks miraculous.

Because out of silence the song and the joy of singing are born.

Because silence asks nothing from me, but it gives me everything…

:)

Missing…

Because you are not here…

I’ll show my love to the trees and the flowers...

I’ll show my love to the strangers that come my way...

I’ll show my love to the walls that have nothing to say...

I’ll show my love even to the stone that is so hard to break.

I’ll show my love to the wind, because my pain it shatters...

I’ll show my love to the water, throughout his smoothy kindness...

I’ll show my love to the infinitely long, blue and perfect sky...

And to the birds, the clouds, the tiny dew-dropped  grass…

And when you’ll come back again, with slowly, silent steps,

I’ll love you even more, with flowers, trees and stones together, all in one.

Interview with Devo Minas, Osho sannyasin from Greece

A very interesting video interview with an Osho sannyasin who recently visited Romania, and was interviewed by Osho Joy people (an Osho center from Romania; more details, here: www.oshojoy.ro). Topics covered: meditation, sufi vision, what it means to keep an workshop, and other Osho related subjects.

This sannyas guy, Devo Minas, is from Greece and held a few workshops in Romania too. The interview is worth watching, as it shows how a man who was touched by the energy and love of this ”spiritually incorrect” Master is.

Here’s a short description of how Devo sees the particularities of Osho:

“Is a Tantric Master, Osho. Accepting oneself, loving yourself and then going deeper. And loving the body, that’s what is with all these stories calling him a “sex guru”, he loves the body and says: “You have the body, you have to live the body.” And sex is the first energy, and then you go further than that, but you cannot neglect it, or bypass it or postpone it or repress. And another big quality from Osho, if I can say two more, it is being always, stressing the here-now. Is magic, It’s so simple, but here-now is a whole thing. And the third one, if I could say, it is being total. And then, you don’t need anything more.

Link to the interview, here.

Tears of gratitude...

I’ve been recently in a meditation workshop for a weekend, and I want to point out this experience by an article, here on my little secret blog, which probably won’t be so secret anymore, soon, because it’s kind of hard to hide a light, isn’t it?

So, what this workshop was about and what I got from it, afterwards?

Well, it was about “reintegration of the being”, meaning how to make ourselves more present in our life, and therefore to live more, to feel more and to see more, my dear son. And, actually, what have you done there? Well, my dear reader, we’ve made some meditations, like Osho Meditations (you know, that dude with a long beard, slow talk and child eyes), I mean Dynamic, Nadabrahma, Hahaha Laughing Meditation, and then again Dynamic. And we did also some SF journeys, I mean shamanic journeys, so to say, to find some cures for our soul, ‘cause great need it is there. And so, beside all this, as in any Osho work, we daaanced and sang, my dear son. Something like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWcEPCGtj6w

And what did you felt, my young boy, after so much dancing and moving?

Heh, my dear reader, wait and see.

First of all, this Dynamic Meditation from Osho,  kind of blew me out. This is a hard meditation, you know. I did it in the past also, so like a few hundred times, but still hard it was. I felt like I was dying, boy, when we had to jump like a rubber ball. But I felt this time something that I don’t remember feeling it till now, in Dynamic: in the breathing part, I felt that my whole life was depending on this! To say it in a poetic way, with your permission, I was breathing my life. Very cool this was!

And another great moment to remember 1000 lives from  now on, was when we did the Hahaha Laughing Meditation. Well, you good man with beautiful eyes it makes me wanna kiss them, I laughed there, my dear son, as I haven’t done it long ago in this lifetime. Laughter with tears until you feel you’re gonna crackJ And the part even more beautiful came after this, in the dance moment. Lying down on the ground, I’ve waited to see if I feel like getting up. And that divine music, it was so beautiful that not only got me up, but simply made me grateful and joyful because I can feel this. And I just couldn’t stop my tears...When my mind again came back in the picture, it had to admit that: „I cried in happines!” Yes...I was for a few moments in the „core of life”. Amen!

About these were the peak moments from this workshop, that was held near Bucharest, in a pyramid shaped (on the roof) build house.

There were also moments of clarity and little awareness moments, so to say, either in the shamanic journeys with the drums (Alex Anton was our guide), either during the activities outside the meditation space (when we were eating or in the interactions with other people). I’ve noticed, for instance, more clearly my tendency to run away from people and to withdraw in a shell in which I don’t feel almost nothing. Or the tendency to judge people around me, and to give so-called right verdicts about their behavior.

So, all in all, I remained with the memory of totality moments and with experiences and feelings that will shower at some point towards the others, because what you receive with an open heart cannot remain to rotten within you.

Thanks!