On fasting and purification...

About two months ago (in the 9-11 nov  2011, weekend), I did a new experiment with myself. It was something I wanted to try long time before, to see what effect will have on me, physically and psychologically, and in that weekend the opportunity appeared also: my parents were leaving the house for a few days.

What kind of experiment I am talking about? The black fasting.

In a context related to nutritional supplements, I heard someone talking about a woman who cured herself of gout (pains in the joints) after a 40 days black fasting. This gave me some thoughts, and I realized that we have stored in our body garbage that maybe only when we die, we get rid of it. And it gave me a push to keep a black fasting myself, not for 40 days, true, but for 3 days and 3 nights.

What does this means, practically? It means you don’t  eat anything, neither solid nor liquid,  you only drink water. As much as possible. What happens is that your body starts consuming from his deposits. And because everything it happens through the blood, it’s very important to help it flow, along with all the garbage stuff that must be eliminated.

So, how was it for me, this experience?

It was hard, I must say.

First of all, if you don’t have a clear decision regarding this, it’s difficult to resist to the sensation of hunger. Especially in the evening, when you have to go to sleep, but you still have an empty stomach. For example, I know that before keeping this fasting, it happened to me quite offen to be hungered in the evening, after 9-10 pm, and although a part of me was telling me that it’s not quite healthy to eat on this hour, the hunger was winning most of the times. By the way, I was surprised to find out that you can sleep with an empty stomach also, sometimes even better.

Secondly, due to the fact that you don’t eat anything, all your daily routine is turned upside down, because you can’t work with full gears, although you have more time available (ironic, isn’t it?). In fact, it’s very possible that you won’t be able to do anything outdoors, those days, because you are practically under treatment. The body enters, especially from the second day, on the „clean and repair” mode, and this is felt all over your body. For me, there were sensations of dizzyness, heavyness in the body, in the movements, headaches (they disappeared only in the third day), sensation of a lack of stamina in the muscles…

Thirdly, when the mind doesn’t have a thing to cling to, all the fears and pains that you have it stored inside you, inside your cells, pump up. I remember that I felt a sadness and a sensation of abandon, the feeling you have when you are a little child, you are in deep shit and you don’t know what to do. So, you start crying...

What I didn’t like during this life experiment was that I coudn’t do almost nothing with the others, because I had a low level of energy and I really felt that it was not appropriate to do something in this direction. In a way, is a sort of paralysis. If I hadn’t had the experience of meditation as a background, I think I would have gone completely nuts, really.

What I liked was the sensation of release and lightness I started to feel from the third day (Sunday) of fasting. Ah, and of course, the pleasure I felt when I took the first meal (how strange this sounds..), Monday in the morning. I think it was the most delicious food I’ve ever eaten in my whole life! It was really an orgasmic feeling. :)

I want to say something more, about the body sensations, before, after and during this process.

In the morning of the first day, as in so many other days, in fact, I woke up with a stuffy nose. Well, after the first hours and during those three days, I don’t know if I cleaned my nose three times. It looked like my cold had disappeared completely. Then, in the morning of the third day (Monday), I woke up around 4 a.m., eager to put some food in my stomach. It was something mental, actually, because my body was beginning to accustom with this no-solid-food-state, and 

I could have stayed one more day maybe, without eating something.  Well, I want to say that, after I ate a banana, just a simple banana, in 3-4 minutes, my nose started to give away stuff, as if I was on the North Pole. My explication is that I actually dropped down the vibration, with that. I started to become again matter.

And one more thing, that is worth saying, related also to that banana :). I want to say that after I ate it, I started laughing, for no reason. Isn’t that strange?

All in all, I recommend  this kind of experience to anybody, because it is a meeting with yourself, with your limits, and it somehow gets you closer to your energetic side, you become more an energy and less matter. And it is good if you reduce to the minimum  the interactions with other people, to keep the experience as pure as possible.

On death and breakups...

I’ve decided recently to end up a relationship with a girl, because I felt that I can’t be totally involved in it. In fact, maybe it’s too much to call it a relationship, because we didn’t had sex or something, but there was a certain energetic connection between us.

What I find weird is that, after I spoke to her and we closed business, so to say, I felt a sadness in me, which sometimes was transforming in a burning sensation in my stomach. I wasn’t in love with her, but she attracted me physically and she was a pleasant presence. :)

I started then to remember similar episodes from my life, when for some reason or another I broke up with someone and when I felt the same feeling of sadness of the abandoned child in me. I remember, for instance, when I was a teenager and I was in love with a girl, a classmate (very common, isn’t it?), how hard  it was for me when we went to the spring holiday and I knew I won’t see her for two weeks. I really felt like I’m gonna die, then, If I don’t see her during this time.  And how I prayed to the Lord, to bring her to school, on the preparation classes we had for the high school entrance exam. I will never forget how that prayer was listened, although my mind didn’t believed at all in it. Because she, Cathy, wasn’t too much of a school fan and she was a born rebel. But then, she came. What made her come, then, I don’t know even today….

Getting back to nowadays and the “relationship” I was talking about, what I think it’s happening is this: when we interact energetically with somebody (I’m speaking of humans, now, but it applies in other situations also), the two energies get mixed together, as in a food stuff. That’s why, when the contact, the connection with that person stops, we literally feel the lack of other person’s energy from our own system. And the more deep is the interaction and the connection, the more painful is the separation, if it happens. That’s why, when somebody we love and was present in our life, dies, for example, we really feel like a part of us also died with him. And the “recovery” period is one in which we have to fill up that lack of energy.

Of course, ideally is to fill up the empty space as soon as possible and not to cling in any way on the form that facilitated us the access to that energy.  In this way, we’ll find the necessary energetic food  much quicker and easier.

And I believe also that is possible to have a relationship with someone, either a man or a woman, without feeling that energetic  void I was speaking about, in case you break up. For example, my relationship with Osho, even if I didn’t live beside him when he was in the body, here on Earth, I dare to say is of this kind. Because there are moments when I forget about him, so to say, but I don’t miss him, though. I feel that I received so much from him but still I’m not attached to him. That’s why I don’t mind if someone insults him or says ugly things about him (although it makes me sad, a little bit), because I know what I’ve felt through him, and this nobody can take away from me.

But, until I’ll get to relate in the same way with the other people from my life, I still have way to go on the path…