On death and breakups...

I’ve decided recently to end up a relationship with a girl, because I felt that I can’t be totally involved in it. In fact, maybe it’s too much to call it a relationship, because we didn’t had sex or something, but there was a certain energetic connection between us.

What I find weird is that, after I spoke to her and we closed business, so to say, I felt a sadness in me, which sometimes was transforming in a burning sensation in my stomach. I wasn’t in love with her, but she attracted me physically and she was a pleasant presence. :)

I started then to remember similar episodes from my life, when for some reason or another I broke up with someone and when I felt the same feeling of sadness of the abandoned child in me. I remember, for instance, when I was a teenager and I was in love with a girl, a classmate (very common, isn’t it?), how hard  it was for me when we went to the spring holiday and I knew I won’t see her for two weeks. I really felt like I’m gonna die, then, If I don’t see her during this time.  And how I prayed to the Lord, to bring her to school, on the preparation classes we had for the high school entrance exam. I will never forget how that prayer was listened, although my mind didn’t believed at all in it. Because she, Cathy, wasn’t too much of a school fan and she was a born rebel. But then, she came. What made her come, then, I don’t know even today….

Getting back to nowadays and the “relationship” I was talking about, what I think it’s happening is this: when we interact energetically with somebody (I’m speaking of humans, now, but it applies in other situations also), the two energies get mixed together, as in a food stuff. That’s why, when the contact, the connection with that person stops, we literally feel the lack of other person’s energy from our own system. And the more deep is the interaction and the connection, the more painful is the separation, if it happens. That’s why, when somebody we love and was present in our life, dies, for example, we really feel like a part of us also died with him. And the “recovery” period is one in which we have to fill up that lack of energy.

Of course, ideally is to fill up the empty space as soon as possible and not to cling in any way on the form that facilitated us the access to that energy.  In this way, we’ll find the necessary energetic food  much quicker and easier.

And I believe also that is possible to have a relationship with someone, either a man or a woman, without feeling that energetic  void I was speaking about, in case you break up. For example, my relationship with Osho, even if I didn’t live beside him when he was in the body, here on Earth, I dare to say is of this kind. Because there are moments when I forget about him, so to say, but I don’t miss him, though. I feel that I received so much from him but still I’m not attached to him. That’s why I don’t mind if someone insults him or says ugly things about him (although it makes me sad, a little bit), because I know what I’ve felt through him, and this nobody can take away from me.

But, until I’ll get to relate in the same way with the other people from my life, I still have way to go on the path…